This week I read an article that a friend posted on
Facebook. I shouldn’t have, it rarely turns out well. Normally though, it doesn’t
produce such rage and almost never the kind of tirade you’ll be reading if you
continue.The article was so bad, it has brought me out of blogging retirement.
Sam Eaton begins his article, “12 Reasons Millennials are Over the
Church,” by stating he wants to love and be excited by the church, but just
can’t. Cool. I guess Jesus would be okay with that right? The church has
blemishes and sin. It’s not perfect. What is there to love? At least you want
to love it Sam.
But wait, didn’t Jesus love us when we had blemishes, sin and
were generally unlovable! Didn’t Christ command us to love others, though
they’re flawed and sinful, just as he loved us in our wretchedness. And,
doesn’t Christ love his church – yes HIS CHURCH, his Bride, warts and pimples
and all. It seems to be an inescapable conclusion: if we’re Christ followers
who love him, we MUST love his church, not just want to love it. And here is my
real, big picture problem with Sam and his article – he is justifying a lack of
love for the church, giving space for millennials (or anyone really) to feel as
if their lack of love for the church is acceptable. IT IS NOT.
I know Sam doesn’t speak for all millennials. I know plenty
of them who are engaged with the church, love the church, and serve her not
because they’re blind to its faults, but because they know their own, and they
know how they contribute to the church’s beauty and mess.
What reasons does Eaton give for not loving the church? Here
they are, point by [ridiculous] point (with my thoughts interspersed).
1.
Nobody’s Listening to
Us
Sam writes, “Millennials value voice and receptivity
above all else.” He bemoans that the church plugs along without listening to
the millennials and their concern. I have a stereotype of millennials, and
unfortunately Eaton plays right into it. These comments are so self-centered
and unaware, as if millennials are the first generation that wanted to be
heard. He does know about the 60s, right?!
I want to say to Sam and those whom he speaks for, “Maybe the church
heard your concerns and listened to your advice and didn’t take it. Maybe the
institutional wisdom borne out of centuries outweighs your feelings and
insights, you annoying little brat.” Ok, maybe that truth needs a little more
grace seasoned in there, but he sounds like to twelve year old whose parents
refuse to let him do whatever he wants and complains that no one understands him
and gets him. No, we got you, but you aren’t always going to get what you want.
Eaton offers solutions.
I selected a few.
- “Create regular outlets (forums, surveys, meetings) to
discover the needs of young adults both inside AND outside the church.” Hmmm. Maybe, just maybe, we have a book
that tells us what millennials need, and boomers and xers and
generation-whatever-comes-nexters too!
Really, we need a focus group? Dumb.
- “Invite millennials to serve on leadership teams or advisory
boards where they can make a difference.” Again, this is so typically
millennial it really is the low hanging fruit. I have something to say, I
want to be a leader, I am ENTITLED to lead, so give me a role in
leadership. Earn it? No. Give it to me!
But, maybe he has a point. No, no he doesn’t. The church I serve in
has lots of millennials as deacons, small group leaders, even elders. I
like that. But, I also believe these leadership roles should be guarded, ensuring
people who occupy them have shown themselves to be qualified, hold sound
doctrine, live upright and godly lives, etc. And, part of that would
probably mean not bitchin and moaning that the church doesn’t do things my
way. Sam, not been asked to serve as an elder? I think I know why!
- Hire a young adults pastor who has the desire and
skill-set to connect with millennials. Ok, so there’s no millennials in
the church (he has stats to prove it), but we should hire a pastor to
connect with them. What percentage of churches have a budget to hire a full-time
pastor to the millennials? Very few
I think. So Sam is likely talking here to about 1% of churches.
2. We’re Sick of
Hearing About Values & Mission Statements
Well, on point two, we may agree. I do think the church has
overdone it when it comes to adopting business models, including value and
mission statements, strategic plans, etc.. Any you know what, that was in
response to boomers and their generational paradigm. In a few generations, the youngins
will hate hearing about ‘being authentic’ and ‘just serving’. He writes, “We’re not impressed…with
Christianese words on paper. We’re impressed with actions and service.” And
there it is…the church exists to impress the millennial. That kind of thinking
is often in the background; it makes it easier when it bubbles to the surface.
3. Helping the Poor
Isn’t a Priority
Cough, cough, Sam-you’re-an-idiot,
cough. He urges us to “clock the number
of hours the average church attender spends in ‘church-type’ activities. Bible
studies, meetings, groups, social functions, book clubs, planning meetings,
talking about building community, discussing a new mission statement…” and then
compare it to the hours spent “serving the least of these.” His response, “oooo, awkward.”
Jackass. (As you can tell, this point
gets me pretty steamed, because it diminished the great work individual
Christians and churches have been doing for centuries!) What if a good number
of ‘the least of these’ are in our church activities and are being served –
physically, socially, emotionally, and, oh yes, what the church is best
equipped to do, serve them spiritually!
Oh, and what about the many Christians
who work in vocations where they serve, under the banner of Christ but in
secular institutions, the least of these. Can we count their hours? Like those who, in answer to a call on their
lives, teach in impoverished communities, or work with foster families, or are
employed by non-profits that feed the hungry. Do they and their hours count?
Oh, and what about all those Rescue
Missions that care for the homeless in nearly every city. Who started those?
Christians – often fundamentalist Christians!
And the Salvation Army. And Groups like World Vision, IJM…
Oh, the poorest countries. Who goes
there? Lots of great organizations – Peace Corps, Red Cross, World Vision…and
missionaries, sent by the church. Often the missionaries were the first to go.
Oh, and what about the work of the
deacons…in most churches, aren’t they serving the needy?
4. We’re Tired of You
Blaming the Culture
Ok, I don’t know what he means by ‘blaming the culture.’ I don’t know how the church blames the
culture. We do point out the darkness in the culture, and hopefully celebrate
light where we find it. Is this blaming? To point to violence, rampant
immorality that is deemed perfectly acceptable, etc., is that blaming culture?
If so, how can we “explicitly teach” how to live life differently from the
culture, something you explicitly demand of the church, if we don’t point out
the sin of our culture.
5. The “You
Can’t Sit With Us” Affect
He complains that there are cliques in church and suggests we seek a kind
and more compassionate way to be, different from what people are used to
outside.
My response…some people in your church are self-centered jerks if they
say or imply that you can’t sit with them. That doesn’t mean my church is
clique free. In a sense, we encourage cliques, but call them friendships. We
also encourage people to be open and generous with their friendships.
And, please remember, Sam, that churches are made up of sinful people who
are striving to get over themselves and their sinful tendencies, including the
tendency to exclude others. You have your annoying and sinful traits too.
Fixing them doesn’t happen all at one!
His solutions? They are ridiculous.
- “Create authentic communities with a shared purpose
centered around service.” Ok, we’ll give that a try. Hadn’t thought of it before,
but sounds good. Idiot. You do it – tell me when it’s done. We haven’t
sought inauthentic communities, but sometimes they happen. They will in
your generation too – maybe people will fake authenticity, then they’ll be
inauthentically authentic. Awesome. And service again. What about
worship…can we have a group centered around that? Or learning? If
everything is serving, where do we get to learn about the one who served
us!?
- “Create and train a team of CONNECT people whose
purpose is to seek out the outliers on Sunday mornings or during other
events.” Ok, don’t add programs. But get a team and train them? Sounds
suspiciously like a program to me.
- “Stop placing blame on individuals who struggle to get
connected.” He speaks here of the introverts who are overwhelmed by the
risk of putting themselves out there. Ok, I’ll agree in part – it’s hard
for churches to figure out how to get some connected who won’t venture
out, and we may not always do it well. But at some point, you either risk
or you lose out. That’s how relationships work. The church maybe ought to
do better and reaching out, but that’ll only be a part of the equation.
6. Distrust &
Misallocation of Resources
Part of me agrees with Eaton here – we
do need to encourage frugality. And, there should be a level of transparency.
But the level of transparency he calls for would be soul-crushingly oppressive
to those who worked in the church. He writes, “We want pain-staking transparency. We want to see on the church homepage
a document where we can track every dollar.”
Holy Crap! Well, there goes massive amounts of time and energy! For
someone who wants his money to go provide “food, clean water and shelter for
someone in need” this is remarkably short sighted. Do the kind of reports he
wants on every church’s homepage generate themselves? No, they take time and
energy from people who could be better used serving the church and those
outside the church.
Part of his
solution: church workers should be “asked to
justify each purchase.” Again, Holy Crap!
That’s stupid. Kids need more crayons in the nursery…call a meeting to justify
the purchase. The toilet is running constantly in the men’s room, call a
plumber. Oh no, wait to a have a meeting to justify to the suspicious why we
need to purchase a new flapper. Books for small group…justify it.
In addition, he wants staff to ask
constantly, “Could these dollars be used to better serve the kingdom?” Two
things: first, does he ask this of every dollar he spends, say on his pumpkin
spice lattes? How many homeless people could I feed with my fufu drink
purchases in a week? Second, every staff
member I know works hard to make dollars count, often contributing their own
funds to make events successful, ministries run, etc.
AND, serving the church is serving the kingdom.
Doesn’t he get this!?
7. We Want to Be
Mentored, Not Preached At
Sam contends, “Preaching just doesn’t reach our
generation like our parents and grandparents.” Instead, “Millennials crave
relationship, to have someone walking beside them through the muck.” Ok, the
sermon portion of Sunday services is now cancelled. In its place, cuddle time
for the millennials. Everyone, find yourself a millennial and cuddle up.
They want
mentoring?! I thought they wanted to be heard? I thought the older generation’s
ways just weren’t working?
Hey, I value
relationships, advocate for intergenerational discipleship, but this is a
totally false dichotomy. You need preaching
AND discipleship; you need proclamation of truth AND relationships.
You don’t value
preaching. So what! Should we rewrite Paul to accommodate what you value? “Preach the word, until it’s not connecting
and some youngings don’t think it’s valuable. Then, do whatever they think is
valuable. That’ll be good.”
8. We Want to Feel
Valued
Oh wait, we’re back to this one again.
I thought this was point one. Ok, but this time IT’S WORSE!!! For one, his
whining makes no sense.
We want to be valued, he says. Churches
tend to rely heavily on young adults to serve, he contends. And also,
“Millennials are told by this world from the second we wake up to the second we
take a sleeping pill that we aren’t
good enough. We desperately need the church to tell us we are enough, exactly
the way we are. No conditions or expectations.”
What? 1 + 1 = 287? I smell on non
sequitur.
And
theologically, it’s bulls--t! Millennials, you aren’t enough exactly the way you
are. You are a stinky, smelly bag of sin and other nastiness. And, so am I.
We’ll accept you, but with “no conditions or expectations”? We won’t do that. We can’t. If we did that,
we wouldn’t be very loving and we would cease to be ‘the church’! Being a part of the church means accepting
conditions, and it comes with a lot of expectations. Thank God there’s grace, because
we all fall short of meeting them. But we can’t set them aside for you or your
namby-pamby friends.
9. We Want You to
Talk to Us About Controversial Issues (Because No One Is)
Now here I need to recognize that I
serve in a church where our motto is “we may not have all the answers, but
we’re not afraid of the questions.” I
feel like all we talk about sometimes is controversial issues. So, maybe there
are churches that refuse to do so.
My biggest problem with this complaint
is how he wants to address it. He acknowledges a sermon series on the nitty-grittys of sex may not be appropriate in a church service with kids, “but we
have to create a place where someone older is showing us a better way because these topics are the teaching millennials are starving for.” This from
the guy who said shut down the programs unless they are serving the poor. This
is a program…in some churches it might be called a Young Adult Sunday School! The whining circles back on itself to the
point where you think he actually means cut every program in the church except the ones I (and my friends)
need.
10. The Public
Perception
Well, here I agree. He writes, “It’s
time to focus on changing the public perception of the church within the
community. The neighbors, the city and the people around our church buildings
should be audibly thankful the congregation is part of their neighborhood. We
should be serving the crap out of them.” I would suggest a rewording though…I prefer
“serving the spit out of them” – alliteration is cool.
The church does have a public
perception problem, especially if you carry the label ‘evangelical’. We should
work to overcome this and have a “good reputation with outsiders,” so
far as it depends on us. The church has always been maligned, even when
serving the bejezers out of the community and rescuing newborns from the
streets. But, if we’re honest, we certainly have contributed to our own PR
problems of late.
11. Stop Talking
About Us (Unless You’re Actually Going to Do Something)
He writes, “words without follow-up are
far worse than ignoring us completely…We are scrutinizing every action that
follows what you say (because we’re sick of being ignored and listening to
broken promises).” Here’s my promise – I
won’t kowtow to your whining. I won’t jettison preaching because you don’t
think it reaches you. I won’t jump on your band wagon of slander directed
towards Bride of Christ. I will call you out as a wolf who’s leading sheep to
turn their back on the lifeboat of the church. Promises. May God find me faithful
to keeping them.
12. You’re Failing to
Adapt
Heard you loud and clear. Here we
stand, we can do no other. You want us to cease to be the church, to jettison
tradition (that we’re called upon to hand down from one generation to another),
to devalue what God values. You are right, this generation is “terrifyingly
anti-church” – at least, this generation in
the West. You place the blame
ENTIRELY on the church. Admittedly, there is sin in the church – we aren’t all
we are called to be. But we’re still beautiful…and still embassy of the kingdom
of God.
Maybe – no, certainly, you are to blame as well, with your "it’s all
about us and feeling valued" mentality. Why must the church change…why don’t
you change!
His Conclusion
The condescending attitude of his
article reaches a peak in his conclusion. He writes, “You see, church leaders,
our generation just isn’t interested in playing church anymore.” So, up to now,
or at least for the past generation or two, you Christians are just playing
church. Now the millennials are here and we want to show you how to do it
right. Sam, you’re an arrogant a--hole (and you need to hear it).
He continues, “It’s obvious you’re not
understanding the gravity of the problem at hand and aren’t nearly as alarmed
as you should be about the crossroads we’re at.” Uh, no, we get it. GenXers
whined too – doom and gloom (I know, I am a GenXer) and we started new churches
and services just for them. And we get it, you don’t like church. More, “You’re
complacent, irrelevant and approaching extinction.” Umm. No! The church, is growing worldwide. Maybe the
millennials in the U.S. aren’t around much, but that hardly amounts to a threat
to extinction!
You know what, the gates of hell will
not prevail against the church, I’m not afraid of a bunch of complacent, wussy whiners
like you taking it down. There’s plenty of Biblical millennials who are on
board with God’s mission AND the church’s role in it! You do not speak for your generation you
little brat. This is not the end. The church will endure continue its kingdom
work until Christ returns.
Want to be a part of it?
Sam, we’re only a couple of years
apart. I’m about 5 years too old to be a millennial. But we couldn’t be further
from each other. I know I’m an asshole, and can be self-centered. Thing is, I
don’t expect the church to change itself to accommodate my every whim. Where do
you get this right? Oh, are you entitled to it?
I am so glad I work in the church I do because I know for a fact that Sam doesn't speak for an entire generation. There are plenty of millennials involved, working with, serving, and loving the church! I get to see it every day. Do they see the flaws? Of course, who doesn't. But they know God's mission and that he has a church for his mission, so they're on board, striving to make it as holy, as effective, and as beautiful as they can...without pissing off everyone who's been a part of it for more than they're the past twenty years or so!
Postlude
Not surprisingly, Eaton has received a
lot of backlash from ‘angry Christians’ who just don’t want to listen.
Hmmm. For someone as self-focused (listen
to me, accommodate me, do it my way), it’s hard to image someone being so
self-unaware at the same time.
Why may his words have sparked anger?
Because they were an attack on the
church.
Because he accused previous generations
of ‘playing church’.
Because he insinuates we don’t care
about the poor.
Because his words read as a threat – do
it our way of we’ll kill you off.
Sam, complaining about the anger you
stirred up is like a little kid playing with matches mad he burnt his finger.
Sorry. Kinda.
